I’m going to call a spade a spade on this one and simply say that The Box was the most boring film that I’ve seen in a long time. In fact, it took me two attempts to make it through the film. Once, about a month ago, I tried and fell asleep after about a half an hour (my wife after about five minutes), and then last night, I finally picked it up about 45 minutes in and half-watched it through to the end.

Consequently, I’m not qualified to provide a legitimate review of this film, nor have I any desire to, really, since it’s hardly worth the time. Instead, I’ll merely spoil it for you below the “Read More”.

If I’ve gotten this correct, Frank Langella’s character was an NSA employee who was struck by lightning and somehow got some sort of extra-terrestrial intelligence beamed into his head. He then goes about offering these boxes to happy couples as a test of the human race. If you push the button, somebody dies and you receive a boatload of money. If you don’t push it, you get nothing.

Because Cameron Diaz’s character pushes the button, it leads her family down a path ultimately resulting in James Marsden having to make the choice to either kill his wife or sacrifice their son (or possibly just his sight–I’m not certain). He kills his wife just as some other asshole pushes the button on another box.

Oh yeah, there’s also a lot of rubbish about mind control, and technology sufficiently advanced to seem to be magic, and Cameron Diaz having a deformed foot, but none of it ever really amounts to anything.

I’m going to attempt to refrain from editorializing here except to say that if you’d kill a complete stranger in exchange for a million dollars, you’re a dick.