Hemlock Grove

Rating: ★½☆☆☆ 

Three episodes in, so I tried. I really did.

Over those three episodes, the Netflix original series Hemlock Grove got off to an extremely languid start and just never went anywhere. At all. It half-heartedly dropped plot points that the series utterly failed to develop or inspire the viewer to care about, while simultaneously marching out a bunch of characters that were uninteresting, unlikable, seemingly unimportant, and poorly acted. Relationships were implied but never properly developed, nor do they seem to really be leading to anything.

The production of Hemlock Grove seems shoddy in some vague way, and for the most part, one wonders while watching whether the people involved actually forgot that they were supposed to be telling a story instead of just showing us a bunch of disconnected stuff. Oh, and most of the dialogue was apparently written by somebody who never heard actual people talk before in his or her entire life. So there’s that.

The only participant who makes it out of this with anything to show for it is Landon Liboiron as the gypsy werewolf, who succeeds at being totally charismatic despite some terribly awkward words getting shoved into his mouth and having nothing of any particular value to do.

With regard to gypsy werewolf, I have to mention one thing, because in some weird way, it epitomizes what’s so dumb about Hemlock Grove. The show repeatedly refers to Liboiron’s character as being significantly hirsuit. You know…because he’s a werewolf. And yet…he’s not. And I know this because he’s frequently half or fully naked in the series. Now, a better show might have just dropped those lines owing to the fact that they didn’t decide to cast an actual hairy guy in the part–or at the very least, they might have put some fake hair on him. But they didn’t. And so, it’s just another dumb plot point in an overall dumb show.

That’s Hemlock Grove.